I woke up this morning with breasts!
Yes, it’s true. I woke up, peed, brushed my teeth, took off my t-shirt (no I don’t sleep naked), looked in the mirror and lo and behold I have breasts. They’re not large breasts, rather more like pre pubescent little “buds”. The thing is, I don’t really want them. No offense to Caitlyn.
I am a man, and I don’t want to offend anyone in the transgender, transsexual or transvestite communities, but these breasts gotta go. Frankly, my struggle is different than those in the aforementioned groups anyway. I think my issue is more about fitness and yes, the dreaded middle age. I don’t feel that old. Am I really going through the “change”? Do I suffer from Low T?
Another contributing factor may be my fondness for beer. I read an article the other day highlighting evidence that a chemical found in hops can cause a growth in man boobs, moobs as some call them. That stinks as I am a big fan of IPAs and they tend to be quite hoppy by design. On the flip side, women might want to drink a few more IPAs as the phytoestrogen content might actually assist them in limiting hot flash symptoms and by limiting their risk of stroke. Don’t take my word for it though. I would ask a doctor.
Either way, I am fully intentioned on reducing my bust size. I definitely don’t want a manzier or a Bro, as Seinfeld called it. I am going to start doing push ups, reduce my IPA consumption and try to get younger.